Are you willing to meet me?
To my friend & mentor
Photo by Thomas Kelley
It’s my first time back to my yin practice after a 5 month break. Trust me, this break was not intentional, life and circumstances literally got in my way. I was either away or living somewhere with no physical space to practice. I have been taken places before with yin, we've travelled a fair few dimensions together but this evening really touched me. Perhaps it was the time away, perhaps it was because I had spirit in me or perhaps I was ready. I bet all 3, working together creates a dream team after all. I joined the session in eager excitment but as I logged on for what can only be described as a sister wound coming up for me, front and centre. I started to play out 2 scenarios with 2 different friends who have never met. You don't have a sister I hear you cry Yep but its there. It was there. My 2 stories played out at the same time, as if each eye opened its narrow pathway for the story to walk and I was its bystander. I sat with it and saw my own annoyance and frustration until I realised it was a sister wound, then I cried. I let the tears of saddness fall. Only 1 posture in but I was in flow and a smile on my face, let's go. Puppy pose came along with 3 padded cushions and we breathed for the chest to open the back of the heart. I pulled back to ensure I stuck with my mindful intention to keep the hips behind and then it happened. My chest got lower into the pillow and an edge in the bottom right of my heart let out such a crying wail. For the 1st time, I saw my mum as my teacher. I flashed back to a conversation yesterday and instead of seeing it for what it was, a natural question, one for me to ponder / use my human design traits to hone in on, I fobbed her off and probably did an eye roll because "she didn't get it". I wanted her to understand that I didn't want to limit myself to one area of a topic. That anything can happen if we are open and believe. In that moment, that question she asked me, she was my teacher. She has been my teacher all along, I just couldn't see. Let's be real, I didn't want to see it and for that I have to fogive myself. I deeply cried while my back stretched and my chest dropped onto the top pillow. I accepted that this was happening, that I saw her in this way and the joy that comes from it. The profound moments didn't stop there. I travelled back to 2017/18 where I met my yin teacher Sara, she was a cover teacher for my regular Sunday class in Covent Garden. As I was getting up through the noise of the 'it' girls chatting away, I heard Sara mention the flyer for her upcoming retreat. It was in that split moment of not walking away from picking up that flyer that changed my life. I have promised Sara for sometime that I will write her a review for her 1st course which we completed in September 2023. I haven't done it nor have I written her up an updated testimonial. She understands why but I'm frustrated that the words haven't flown. After all, it's only a few lines, a paragraph at most but here's the thing, someone can only take you as far as they have met themselves and she definately has. She continues to do so. I admire the way she is able to hold herself and take us on our own deep journey while knowing that she is at the end of that baby strap holding us as we explore our own episode of The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe. Just like a movie, the soundtrack is always, always on point. I didn't have the space for the words to come to me, something was missing. Yin is known as a feminine energy, its softness, its gentle introspective nature. While that is true, tonight I felt what I thought I previously knew, the grounded stillness of the masuline energy within yin is what allows me to drop deeper into postures. The feminine feels safe to flow and work through the pain. Tonight my body understood what my mind has been convincing me for years. We aren't even on posture 3, shoelace. A posture that brought out the saddist in me. This and frog was getting me to sit with the physical body pain and that I did. Thoughout today's class, I barely took a rebound. I let the physical tension poke at me for what I guess was 6 mins each, not due to force but because I was able to be still with the overwhlem of pain and tension. I felt safe to let it move through me. I allowed myself to be the observer of my letting go of pleasure and pain. I sporadically cried throughout my class this evening and multiple times while typing this, I even questioned if my new neighbours would wonder if everything was okay. I walked through each open door that popped up tonight and with each step the lesson that it brought. I cried for the same reason and for a new one. How can I go through an entire beginning, middle and end in a few sentences? It's not possible and that is what happens in each and every one of Sara's offerings. The dance through your beginning, middle and end but as I said, she continues to see herself so have a tug on that safety strap as a check in and continue the ride. Sara is due to release the 2nd round of ‘Reclamation’. If there is any part of you that wonders, I encourage you to sign up. Otherwise, experience her playful side with one of her epic Flow Dances that will get you into your version of embracing Sandra Bullock in The Proposal where she dances round the fire to ‘Get Low’ by Lil Jon. Sara is also launching her membership community in September 2024, so keep an eye out for that too! Inside info: prepare for all the things & more đŸ’« Thank you Sara, for everything x.
2018 Sara & I, Ibiza
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